I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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