Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
