I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
