Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
