So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can you bring me the toilet please
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
