I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
