O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
