Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
