my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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