Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
