Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
