So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
