My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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