it hurts more in the daytime
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
