i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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