ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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