they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
