I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
