i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize