it was like his penis was on wheels.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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