he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
