you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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