Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
