I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
