sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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