Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize