I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
