so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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