I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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