she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
