update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
