Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
