everyone is single if you try hard enough
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
