you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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