beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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