so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
