I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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