I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize