I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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