i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
