I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
