my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
