i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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