Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
