haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
