He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
