Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
