is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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