I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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