sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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