Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
