There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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