i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
