I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
