You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
