Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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