Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
