i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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