I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
