I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
