Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
