I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
