I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
