i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
