It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
