party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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