Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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